I promised myself I wouldn’t let Star Wars suck me back into its vortex following the colossal disappointment of The Book of Boba Fett and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yet, here I am, ready to give George Lucas’ once-prominent sci-fi franchise another chance. This time, I’m looking at The Acolyte episodes 1 and 2 of Disney’s latest exploration of that galaxy far, far away, though this one is most definitely set long, long ago.
Okay, here’s the deal: I dislike most Disney Star Wars stuff. Sure, there have been a few high points, namely the last seven episodes of The Clone Wars, the first two seasons of The Mandalorian, The Force Awakens, some of The Last Jedi, Rogue One, and Solo, but the other projects left plenty to be desired. That said, I will approach The Acolyte as a separate entity, entirely removed from the Star Wars brand I grew up with. So, I plan to watch The Acolyte from a different perspective and hopefully come to appreciate what Leslye Headland is trying to accomplish.
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What happened in The Acolyte Episode 1?
The opening titles reveal that the series takes place in a time of peace. However, lurking in the shadows are powerful individuals learning to use the Force secretly. “One of them, a lone assassin, risks discovery to seek revenge…”
A mysterious woman in a purple cloak ventures into a strange town on UEDA and commences to do the scene we’ve already seen. She uses kung-fu to kick the snot out of helpless men while Indara (Carrie-Anne Moss) stoically watches the mass destruction with veiled interest.
Indara removes the attacker’s mask and only then recognizes her face—what? Admittedly, the choreography is solid, even if a low-budget TV score underscores the action. Ah, remember when Star Wars was a big-budget cinematic spectacle—
No, I must resist feelings of nostalgia. This. Is. Star. Wars. Now. Must. Obey.
After more fighting, Indara gets tired of f—ing around and pulls out her lightsaber.
“A Jedi doesn’t pull her weapon unless prepared to kill,” the unknown assassin exclaims. Is that a new rule? Plenty of Jedi point their blades without intent to kill, but semantics, I suppose.
Anyways, the assassin eventually tosses a knife into Indara’s chest and then walks out of the bar with a look of uncertainty spread across her face.
We then cut to the same woman lying in a bed, presumably waking from a nightmare. From what I’ve heard via the World Wide Web, this is the assassin’s twin, and she has the same haircut. She heads out to space to work on some space junk for a couple of Neimoidian Neimoidians (whose lip movements match their words, sometimes) before being summoned by a couple of Jedi. So far, this looks like the opening scene of a video game. I keep waiting for “Quickly Tap X” to appear.
Yord Fandar and his Padawan Tasi Lowa (who look more like Star Trek characters, but whatever) seek a former Jedi named Osha Aniseya, aka the good twin. During the initial exchange, we learn a curious detail: that only droids may perform outer ship repair. That seems like a counterproductive law in a galaxy fueled largely by space travel.
Yord confronts Osha. We learn she left the Jedi Order six years ago after several rigorous years of training under Master Sol (Lee Jung-jae). Apparently, before joining the Jedi, an incident occurred during which Osha lost her mother(s) and sister.
“Attachments to the ones we lost are the most difficult to let go,” Yord says stiffly. Eh, thanks?
“Let’s cut the small talk, cosplayers,” Osha exclaims. “Why are you here?”
“Well, you killed Master Indara, and you’re under arrest,” Yord says casually, yawning.
“Lead with that next time,” Tasi says.
A robot puts Osha in handcuffs and whisks her away.
Cut to Coruscant, which looks the same thousands of years before the events of Phantom Menace. We meet Master Sol teaching … (slowly reaches hand to mouth in horror) younglings. He meets with Master Vernestra (Rebecca Henderson) as thousands of Jedi extras wander about in the background, raising a few questions: how many Jedi exist now? How hard is it to become a Jedi? What do the Jedi do? Sol and Vernestra discuss Indara’s murder and note that it could fuel political allies if word gets out that a former Jedi went bonkers. So, are they the government?
To be fair, even George Lucas failed to fully explain the Jedi’s purpose beyond the vague “keepers of the peace” line. They’re not soldiers or politicians but fight like soldiers and are entrenched within the political world. So, I dunno.
Anyways, back with Osha, a couple of evil scum men concoct a daring escape that sends the spaceship careening out of control. Left without escape pods, Osha tries and fails to use the Force, then straps in and braces for impact as the ship crash lands on a planet—
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We’re halfway through the episode, and I’m not locked in yet. The Acolyte has the same stiffness and lifeless energy as Disney’s other TV efforts and feels more like a mid-season episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation than the first chapter of a novel new series. By the same point in A New Hope, we were already running around Tatooine with Luke Skywalker following an exciting space battle.
Master Sol decides to look for Osha, who shockingly survived the crash. Osha has a vision of her sister and learns that she killed Indara.
Back with MasteR Sol, he explains everything we just saw, revealing to Yord that she has a twin. This should immediately raise suspicions for everyone involved, but the twin died, you see? At least, that’s what everyone thinks.
Sol, Yord, and Tasi investigate the crash. “No one could have survived this,” Yord says stiffly, making Hayden Christensen look like Marlon Brando by comparison. I understand that Jedi are expected to be stoic, but this series will get tedious quickly if they speak like robots the whole time.
Hilariously, our Jedi trio corners Osha on a ledge. “I didn’t kill Indara,” she says. “I don’t care,” Sol cries. Osha attempts to do a Peter Pan off the cliff, but Sol uses the Force to pull her back. “Mae, my sister, is alive,” Osha explains. “Cool,” Sol says without further question.
We cut to Mae wandering along a beach where a creepy Kylo Ren-looking figure performs a monologue sans an audience. “An Acolyte kills without a weapon,” he says. “An Acolyte kills the dream.”
And, uh, that’s the end of the first “riveting” episode.
What happened in The Acolyte Episode 2?
We start on Olega with Mae walking through Galaxy’s Edge at Disney Land. She “sneaks” up behind Master Torbin (Dean-Charles Chapman) and tries to execute him with more throwing knives, but, uh, he has a Force bubble protecting him or something. Either he doesn’t care about Mae or can’t hear her through his territorial bubble because he doesn’t flinch. I wish I could sleep like that.
Back with Osha and the gang, more expository dialogue recaps what we’ve seen and heard numerous times. Mae’s antics on Olega reach the Jedi. She’s innocent! Case closed, end of series.
Except, we keep going. Sol decides to take Osha along for the ride, suspecting that Osha is telling the truth. It’s a pretty big gamble, considering he doesn’t have her locked away, just in case.
Mae heads to a local black market dealer for help killing Torbin. She’s surprisingly chill wandering around in broad daylight despite the Jedi looking for her. Oh, I forgot, the black mask obscures her face. At any rate, she obtains poison and casually strolls back into the bustling streets of Olega.
Osha and Co. arrive on Olega. Mae confronts Torbin, who looks like Jude Law in a fake beard. She gives him a choice: confess what he did to the Jedi council or die. Surprisingly, he chooses death. Even Mae looks shocked.
Moments later, Osha arrives ahead of everyone else and foolishly investigates the scene. Naturally, Sol and the gang arrive, see their pal draped over a dead body, and prepare to blast her to oblivion … Luckily, Yord arrives and nonchalantly clears her of all charges. Suspenseful.
Osha seeks out the black market dealer and pretends to be her sister by, uh, wearing cheap purple clothes. It’s good that their hair looks exactly the same; otherwise, this would be impossible. Of course, our heroes don’t know what Mae looks like—unless I missed something—but who cares? The Black Market dealer sniffs out the operation, but Sol and the gang run in before he can leave. The Black Market dude suggests laying a trap for Mae. Of course, there’s no reason not to think Mae isn’t watching the very indiscreet Jedi cop gang snooping around the joint—they don’t exactly blend in.
Thank the maker; Mae arrives precisely on schedule. Yord didn’t even have to hide because Sol got the jump on the dark Jedi.
“Mae, you’re alive,” he shouts as she tosses a blade into the dirt. “And you’re a horrible shot.”
More kung fu action. “You attack me without a weapon, why,” Sol asks. “Who trained you?” He tries to pull info from her brain using the Kylo Ren interrogation technique. Nadda.
More fighting. “Your sister is alive,” Sol says.
“He speaks the truth,” Yord says, half asleep.
“You lie,” Mae screams.
“Do I?” Sol growls.
Then, I think, Mae screams and vanishes into the streets while Osha pursues slowly. Good sister points a gun at the evil twin, and for a second, I thought Mae said, “Oh sh*t,” when really she said, “Oshey?”
Osha takes a potshot at her long-lost sibling, who speeds off into the night. Sol looks at her with a disapproving scowl. Yord looks bored. Tasi, the youngest crewmember, circles overhead in a ship. This is like Bad Boys: Jedi Cop Edition and kind of hilarious.
Then, we’re off to Khofar, a jungle planet full of Wookies, including one who can use the Force. I feel like the showrunners expected this to be a big deal, but it just looks silly. Mainly when our fuzzball uses the Force to disarm a pair of trespassers before slowly walking off the obvious set and into his trailer.
Final thoughts
Like a lot of TV shows, The Acolyte feels like a 90-minute movie stretched to fit an eight-episode run. Characters mozy about from one scene to the next without any sense of pace or urgency, laying dry exposition repeated moments later.
What did we learn from these first two episodes? Osha has a sister named Mae who is assassinating Jedi for a crime they committed in the past. That’s about it. Sixty minutes in, we saw two extended fight sequences, visited three or four planets, met several characters, and none left much of an impression. Amandla Stenberg is likable enough but needs to be given more to do, which is a weird thing to say, considering she’s playing two characters. Jung-Jae looks cool but spends far too much time listlessly wandering about explaining the plot. Everyone else appears to be sleepwalking through their roles.
Nothing stood out from a production standpoint. The sets were never convincing, and some of the effects work was janky. Like other Disney productions, this looks like a cheap fan film cobbled together with little passion or creativity.
On a positive note, the two fight sequences in The Acolyte featured good choreography, and I am curious to see where the story leads on Disney+. Hopefully, future episodes will ramp up the pace and deliver the type of spectacle that used to define Star Wars.
